This poem is about a person who accidentally contracts AIDS while donating blood.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

it's my birthday happy birthday to me;
it's my birthday and no one 's come to wish me
i laugh then i cry coz there are'nt many i will see


all i wanted to do was to save lives by giving blood
thanks to my thought i am dying instead
no one now wants to shake my hand
mother father no one understands

no amount of make up can help me conceal
my thoughts my fears the way my mind feels
neighbours friends no one seems to see me
even my dog fails to know me

the pain is'nt in dying the pain is in the wait
i wonder if in hell we enter thru a seperate gate
i hope it s not .no i hope its true
just like u dont wanna see me, i dont wanna see u

The Reprobate

WE

we are the same ,differ in just the name;
we are failures somewhere .....its all in the game,
we have broken hearts and had ours broken,
we have opened or mouth when we should'nt have spoken

we shed blood we all shed tears;
we all have a place to bury our fears
we sweat and tire, we all hide to cry
we have all loved someone though we dont know why

we fear change , we all dread death,
we run from the only things sure in life,
we want our dreams and cant bear our nightmares,
we are dumb driven cattle, not heroes in strife

we all feel pain hate it as we might
we have lgs that ran away wen our heart wanted to fight
we have all wanted to shout in this big bad world
we dont wanna think just do what we are told

we aim for the stars and reach for the skies
we all fall down getting blinded by the light,
with our heads held high yet our thoughts so low,
we are all sinking down together and there is no where else to go

LEAVE OF ABSENCE:

Owing to tremendous pressure from the millions and millions of my fans,i HAVE decided to updated my blog.I know its been a while but the reason that i didnt update my blog is because of the most obvious one.........nothing happening in my life.
Ok , i shall try to explain the past few weeks in as "interesting" a manner as possible excerpts and musings on the past few weeks..........
I live very close to Salt lake stadium in Kolkata and was hence a passive witness to the local derby match between East Bengal and Mohun Bagan.
the match resulted in East Bengal winning 3-1 and the celebrations which went on tuntil late into the night were to be seen to be believed.Football is alive and kicking in kolkata and its great to see that it is.

Before Last week; I had never really ventured out into main calcutta ( yup!! my calcutta experience was limited to the outpost called Salt Lake City) and for the first time i realised that calcutta is full of paradoxes, a city steeped in a lot of tradition .....that is slowlly but surely crumbling .A city where the immediate needs of growth and expansion are taking its toll on what once was a place with a heart. a city with history and heritage........... a grand old dame whose past will in all probability be a lot more rosy and pleasant than its future or present.

But i could also see a greater side to this, calcutta has a certain rhythm (i dunno how else to put it) newer cities like bangalore (ah sweet sweet bangalore.my home ) are still trying to find their rhythm, but calcutta has found its and has hapily settled into its own tune and beat and is comfortable in it.
Calcutta is a city where everyone thinks they have a chance of making it (the harbourer of dreams....) evryday hundreds of people come into the city hoping to make it big....... most remain jus that.dreams
(to be concluded..don't ask me when)

liked the lyrics.so am posting it

HAND IN MY POCKET--Alanis Morisette

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign
I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
And what it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab

THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT

Ahhhhhhhhh.......today onwards for the next two weeks me on the "Graveyard Shift".. feels really strange to be in an office with no one around you (actaully there is this ONE other guy), ......(this shift has only 2 members working in a floor otherwise occupied by approximately 150 people)
I can actually hear my own echo(or are they jus voices in ma head?)

Since the shift allows me to get into "CONTEMPLATIVE" mode as opposed to the more usual"NONSENSE" mode...... A few random thoughts.....

The Graveyard shift in a lot of ways symbolises life itself (atleast in my case).........

1. We do something for our entire lives that we wouldnt hav ever done if it werent for the money
2. We are surrounded by lotsa high tech ( in my case low tech) but fewer and fewer humans..
3. Empty spaces all round.
4. We wouldnt be able to get thru this awake if it werent for tea/coffee .....(and in some call centres........SEX.... Darn, there is'nt much of that here,in fact there is NONE at all.....) But then again.each organisation has its own ways of employee retention
   

A LITTLE BIT OF LONELINESS IS A VERY DANGEROUS THING

THE GUY WHO TAGGED ME:

"Forgive me of my sins Lord"...... I HAVE BEEN TAGGED (and therefore deserve a pardon)........
There can be nothing tougher than writing about something one doesn't want to and then .....stand up to public scrutiny( actually nobody's scrutiny coz HARDLY ANYONE visits ma blog :) )

OK........Everyman has asked me to list down 8 qualities I would want in my IDEAL lover.(Everyman......u owe me BIGGGGGG TIME) and generous that I am ......I shall add a seperate list for "MY FUTURE LIFE PARTNER...." (they are mutually exclusive lists MOSTLY...... yet NOT so )
We shall begin at the beginning........MOST DEFINITELY........ FEMALE

GIRL FRIEND:

1) She MUSSSSSSSSSSSTT be GOOD LOOKING (whaddya think the first one was gonna be ???.......... some of u might bring out the "he is only looking at skin deeep beauty ...." thingy.but then thats all i want..... WHAT DO U WANT? A GOOD LOOKING SPLEEN?? )

2) Should be unmarried AS ON DATE (in the words of HR professionals..... a NO POACHING POLICY...... "live and let live" ) i am NOT willing to passup on the obvious benefits of someone experienced in marriage (u know wat i mean..........STOP PRETENDING )

3) Should have plenty of money (that was a no-brainer)

4) MUST be willing to spend her money ON ME

5) Should have a well developed sense of humour (not one of those females who laughs at useless PJ's....however I am willing to compromise on cause 5(this one..idiot) if she clears clauses 1 ,3,4 with shining colours same holds for clause 3 also )

6) Very very important ..must have a smile worth living for (sorry everyman..mine and urs are kinda similar )

7) She should be "adventurous"(no.....not in the kithchen).THIS IS WHERE THE GENERATION GAP SHOWS Everyman

8) She must not have unnecessary expectations (in view of clause 7...)
The really IMPORTANT qualities (I prefer the term attributes...) are not mentioned here...... and with a reason
now for the qualities I am looking for in a wife for myself (the GIRLFRIEND and WIFE lists are in all probability ....mutually exclusive....)

WIFE :

1) She MUSSSSSSTT be GOOD LOOKING (That was easy........ u don't wanna wake up next to Medusa for the rest of your life..do you )

2) Should be unmarried (in the words of the recruitment agencies....NO LATERAL HIRES PLEASE.... only freshers......) in this case I AM willing to passup on the obvious benefits of someone experienced in marriage

3) Must be someone I can have a reasonable,sensible argument with "u can disagree but but no be disagreeable" kind of thing

4) SHOULD BE HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH ME

5) Should have a sense of humour

6) Should have plenty of money(conditions 1,4 and 6 are 99.9999% NON-NEGOTIABLE)

7) Must be a good cook

8) MUST LEAVE ME ALONE WHEN I FEEL LIKE BEING LEFT ALONE (WHICH IS DEFINITELY BOUND TO HAPPEN A LOT OF TIMES)

NOTE: in case of the "IDEAL" wife..... all attributes NEED TO BE PRESENT WITH ONE WOMAN FOR HER TO STAND UP TO SCRUTINY

Reading: Freakonomics

Listening To: Disturbed:Prayer

Quote Hanger : Vulnerant omnes, ultima necat
Translation: Every (hour) wounds, the last kills

ELEMENTARY MY DEAR WATSURNAME.....

BONJOUR MON AMIS.....(ahhhhh..... French(or german or japanese..) ....... the language freshers like me must learn to speak as a part the the initial training process for the company i work in presently....... and the cause for the exponentially lowered self-confidence in verbal communication during that training perod for many a "tam" and "mallu" (and "gult" and "kannadiga" and northie of my training group ....... yes .NORTHIE..jus like everyone south of maharashtra is a "madrasi" to the northies..... to us "MADRAASIS" everyone north of Maharashtra is a "northie" (i have given the most acceptable,civilised and printable name...for the local ways of addressing NORTHIES are faaar too colourful) ....EXCEPT BONGS..... u guys/and gals are something else man......Maharashtrians........make up yer mind.....)

This fortnight was a very important one for me and ma hommies in ma crib..........for 3 very important reasons

1.WE GOT A GAS CONNECTION (I can hear my liver already thanking me..... tears of joy rolling down its whatever)

2.We managed to get milk supplied to us every morning. Not the “Packaged Milk ” that most of you guys drink… but ASLI GAAY KA DOODH. the (not so) friendly neighborhood milkman supplies milk every morning..

3.(and more importantly)WE GOT BROADBAND INTERNET.....yaaaaaaaay...like all young (or for that matter old) Bachelors(AND Spinsters…...oh puhleeez…..u dunno wat I am talking about right ) deprived of quality "ACTION" (or for that matter ANY action).....we have gone in for the "UNLIMITED DOWNLOAD" plan....no no no YOU DIRTY THING......not for THAT.......we use it to download books, manuals,and sometimes ’teaching aids’ that guide us in our dream …. To repair and strengthen the degrading moral and ethical fibre OF THE WORLD and also enable our spiritual and emotional upliftment (think i overdid that one…….yeah …………i think I KILLED IT )

India has won yet another test match IN INDIA and the whole country is jubilant..with the match throwing up another star performer this time ...Sreesanth ( From my home state of KERALA....... yaay FINALLY Kerala has a National cricketing hero)
But he will never have truly arrived onto the "REALLY REALLY FAMOUS" list in Kerala until.. the ULTIMATE "I HAVE ARRIVED" act .... when he will be asked to inaugurate one of those GOLD SHOWROOMS IN THE GULF (yes yes dubai,sharjah, abu dhabi,muscat, qatar,al-ain, ,bur dubai,ras-al-khaimah....one of those places) for alll u know..the next time india plays in Sharjah, the ground will be filled with Mallus chanting "Sreesanth.....Sreesanth" and Sharjah to him will be as good as.......or for that matter better than playing in Kochi or Tiruvalla...or........Parapanangaadi....a true home away from home


Reading : Freakonomics

Listening to : Disturbed:Down With The Sickness

Quote Hanger:Notre repentir n'est pas tant un regret du mal que nous avons fait, qu'une crainte de celui qui nous en peut arriver.
La Rochefoucauld
(sorry.... french is one of ma weaknesses....)

Translation: Our repentance is not so much sorrow for the ill we have done as fear of the ill that may happen to us.

FINAL ACT

Helloooo everybody....... once again trying to eat up inexpensive bandwidth by posting another one of ma poems..... the title seemed reasonably corny so feel free to suggest better titles for the poem

FINAL ACT

Anxiously awaiting the beginning of the end;
It's hurting bad .....and its hard to pretend
people trying to smile, though they all know
it will soon be time for me to go

why me ........ i really dont know;
and whats even worse.....i dont wanna go
i have no choice but i hate to say goodbye
they could be my last words before i fly

soon i'll be wrapped in sheets of white
i am lifeless,still,my soul filled with spite
lying helpless,harmless,sorry and dead
they are all crying wish they would smile instead

i want to be alone; i have the right to cry
i want to be alone ;coz thats just how i'll die
people say youll be fine......... when they mean goodbye
people keeping a straight face smiling as they lie

let them smile ,it could be my last sight
could be a message saying its the end of the fight
but no i ll not vanish into the night
i will not go down without a fight.

pray for me its the most you can do
if i were you i would do it too
these may well be my last words.. one can never tell...
Goodbye stranger.......... i wish you well

The Reprobate

This poem tries to explain the thoughts of a terminally ill patient on his state........ and the inevitability of death......

GO(NE) WEST....


Hey hey hey ... me just back from a trip to Mumbai(actually landed a week back ;) ) had gone there to participate in a quiz and also got a chance to meet ma friends there....... was in mumbai for only 2 days and hence not too much "sightseeing"(its a funny phrase. obvously one can only see "sights " not sounds or tastes....)

a few points on ma visit(MA FIRST VISIT TO MUMBAI) (and on the city of mumbai.... .......biased i understand..........)

The flight i took was one that landed in Mumbai late at night and one thing i could see even at that time of the night...the Mumbai airport runway appears from outta nowhere right in between slums. the flight's descending during landing ..
descending.... descending into what appears to be a slum .... and then outta nowhere the runway appears...i did'nt know whether to laugh or to cry ....I am sure there must be a plane wreck or two hidden in those slums somewhere.

The hotel I stayed was one that was like 10 min from the airport... thank god it was close to the airport..... and i had a "ROOM WITH A (supposed)VIEW"............. what was in the view........... take a wild guess(for clue . refer to the "PREDOMINANTLY IMPLIED" idea in the previous paragraph.... IF SUCH A THING EXISTS....)
I just found out that more than 60% of mumbai's population lives in slums....... scary figure ( thats about 1.2 crores/12 million poeple)

Nyway movin on.. the venue that the quiz was held was fantabulous 5 Star hotel in mumbai. with extravagance written alll over the place .I loved the place but immediately hated it as well. for... in some small corner of ma heart; it made me appear/feel "small" (depending on ones self confidence levels ;) )...like i was (like all humans)an insignificant piece of s**t.....that its presence no longer comforting but intimidating . its like standing in front of a huge mountain ..... only this time with wall to wall carpeting,leather upholstery and extremely good looking concierges and stewards(and a swimming pool that opens out into the sea)

Met some of ma friends and also had a look (just a loook ) at the famed local train in mumbai. I just found out that any area is mumbai is divided into 2 halves, East and west and that the Railway line that runs thru the city is the dividing line ... ingenious........

i realised in those 2 days that mumbai.......... THE CITY NEVER SLEEPS the "room with a (supposed)view" mentioned earlier also had a flyover running from one end to the other. and all through the night, i mean from 11 pm to 7 am...........there was absolutely no change in the traffic density ....rush hour all thru the night .. across the flyover .I never knew that there were bikes and autorickshaws in mumbai,ma friends told me that there are bikes and autos only in suburban mumbai and not in the city...........another example of the power of unions

distances in mumbai are measured not in terms of kilometres but in terms of time
the local train takes a lot of credit for this) 25..30 kilometres traveling . not at all a problem .... Bangalore(sweet sweet bangalore) can take a few tips on urban transport from mumbai in this aspect aleast(probably ONLY)

At the airport on the way back to kolkata, me walks up to the counter to collect my boarding pass, the lady at the counter (yes she WAS pretty..... compounding my misery) and i had a conversation (more like a ...get outta my way u punk.... u are blocking the view)

ME: (in my broken english) Hi (yup...thats all i could muster),
SHE:have u checked in your hand baggage?
ME: i thought one need not check in one's hand baggage
SHE: no, people above 15 years of age need not check-in their hand baggage........ all kids should....it's the law
ME: (WTF!!) i am not below 15
SHE: oh you are not?? u look like you are ....
ME: stop!! stop!!! (here i was trying to play "WHOSE YOUR DADDY".........and she thought i was 15(or worse.... under 15).... no comment. LET ME WITHDRAW INTO MY SHELL WITH WHATEVER SHAME I HAVE LEFT )

More self-demeaning details later.................

Listening To : Bob Dylan: Blowin In The Wind
Reading: Freakonomics
Quote Until Next Blog:Caedite eos.Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius.
Translation: "Slay them all. God will know his own.

P.S: yes yes the "check-in" counter episode has left me scarred for life... is there a phobia by that name?. check-in counter phobia?? if there was'nt...... there IS NOW....

MY JEKYLL DOES'NT HYDE


Me travelling to Mumbai to participate in a quiz , looking forward to meeting some friends there............... tis my first visit to the "city of dreams( many of them remain just that ...... dreams.....)"

BUT MORE ABOUT THAT LATER ................

This is a poem i tried to write as an attempt to try out a new way of poetry writing.......
try and figuring out what it is i am trying to do (and please tell me ....... i still haven't found out ...........)

MY JEKYLL DOES'NT HYDE

Seeing is believing, I dont believe what i see;
I am always happy,but thats not how i feel,
nothing can stop me now,i am trying in vain,
this world is a happy place; I've got used to the pain

Everyone i know loves me, love's something i'll never know
I am always in control , I am doin coz someone told me so
I am a winner,thats something ill never be
I bring smiles all around,thats something ill never see

I believe i can fly,I feel I am made of lead
Tis a beautiful world ,wish someone would shoot me dead
I have lot of friends, its me against the world
All see is smiles, all that glitters isn't gold

I have been lying always, the truth is what i've said
I feel miserable now, now i feel great instead
I have acted all my life ,have never gone down that lane
yet I am a role model .............and I am called insane

The Reprobate

Ok .. This is an attempt to explain the mental state of 2 entities, a man and his alter ego(Kinda Jekyll and Hyde TYPES.. hence the name ....... DUH!!!)....
Its the struggle of a man who tries to put up a cheerful face (mostly lying to himself....)
The first part of each line tells us his general response to life to the external world . the second part of every line tells us how he is actually feeling( )............ and the last stanza well figure it out for yourselves

AUTO CHRONICLES:

The autos in kolkata are a treat to watch (though a pain to be in ........) the autodrivers in bemgaluru are so crappy tht they demand "one-and-half " (that's 1.5 times the meter fare ....which 99/100 times is tampered with .......to show more ...of course ) even if there are only 4 passengers instead of the mandatory 3 . The other day in kolkata , we were travelling to office and we were 4 in number.we go to the auto stand and tell one of the auto drivers...(since its a union ......... there is no cut throat competetion amongst auto drivers .....) him where we wanna go ... he thinks for a moment an takes us to an auto (his )and sez......... .."BOSHUN" meaning sit .........there were already 3 guys in the auto EXCLUDING the driver ..........we are like dude!!! there are totally 8 people.......... have u noticed??? he gives us the smirk only a true master can..... and starts the auto ....... all's fine but still one person has not found space to sit ....... once again the smirk ...........and then......HE STANDS UP!!! and sez..... don't worry there is place for everybody . the smirk again ........ and for the rest of the 10 minute journey . he actually manouevres the auto (THANK GOD ) standing up!!
NARAIN KARTHIKEYAN........... EAT YOUR HEART OUT . HAIL THE AUTO MAN

DEFINITELY.... MAYBE

Wrote this after I read John Lennon's "Imagine" for the first time..........
My "JUVENILE" (thanks....Everyman ...) poem shows the difference between the real deal and an impostor ..................again a relatively old poem

The poem typed out here is EXACTLY the same one i wrote waay waay back.... It has its flaws; which i can appreciate now. but going about to edit a work i wrote a long time back does'nt make sense....... "ROLLING IN THE MUCK IS NOT THE BEST WAY OF GETTING CLEAN"

CAN'T STOP DREAMING


A day will come when we all live together
building bridges ......not walls that last forever
when a woman need not bother if its night or day
Just imagine a day when things are that way.......

A day will come when we are not shy to smile
show that we are human....... and not be scared to cry
when kids run to school and walk back home
and no one needs to know how it is to be alone

A day will come when neighbours won't be strangers
when our dreams go higher and our thoughts stray farther
when distances and borders exist only on maps
maybe it wont ... but i am hoping. perhaps.......

The Reprobate

Listening to : Nirvana : Come As You Are (it never gets old....)

Reading : The Tipping Point........

Quote until the next blog : Omnes una manet nox - The same night awaits us all. (Horace)

Jargon until next time : BRB - Stands for 'Big Red Button'. The thing you hit when all else fails.