LOOK AROUND I'LL BE THERE

When you're lonely, though u dont wanna be;

wherever u turn, darkness is all u see,

when pain and fear is all you feel,

when the world's against you......or so it seems

when all your favourite dreams.. turn into nightmares

when all judge you but no one cares;

when they stone u dead and strip you bare

when friends lurk........ laying snares

when the friends u made on the way up,

make way for yu wen u fall down

when all u want is a simple smile,

but all you see is a world of frowns

as soon as you enter a room full of people;

you dont know why but u feel alone

there u are a wall flower..... in desperation;

when all treat u like the devils own

LOOK AROUND... I'LL BE THERE

The Reprobate

Beginnings of the Reprobate

Thanks to the OVERRWHELMING response to the earlier post.. me now trying to document the next critical phase of my otherwise boring life....
Standards 1-3(approximations)
Hmmmm what do i remember from those days??.......well lotts really... ;).Going to school in Uniforms....... wondering where each of my classmates bought their clothes...because everybody looked the same ; (all these facts are noted by my mom in some quaint little mental diary...and throws up such gems whenever she thinks me acts too smart or for that matter tries to act dumb...which.needless to say ..happens all the time...except that...i dont act dumb......i AM dumb)

Finding out there IS a difference between "Sujith" and "Shwetha"... and i thought it was ONLY because of the clothes :) ...... yeah I WAS INNOCENT ONCE.... seeing my mom pinning the handkerchief and the name badge to my chest .Me name then was "Sujith Raghavendra Prasad" ( i know.... pretty huge one.... and that too ;) )and wondering why she did so coz i NEVER used either of them.Learning to sit and eat food IN ONE PLACE..... Finding it very hard initially because 1 st standard........unlike LKG/UKG we had to stay at school the WHOLE
BLOODY DAY... 9 AM to 3:30 PM........i know....Cruel Cruel World........

Learning to speak a language called English.... finally mingling with kids on the street and playing with them after school.taking part in the Annual Day where i was "Letter G" in a sing-song sequence where each one represented the 26 letters of the alphabet ......the guys(including me OBVI) wore LIPSTICK.... MASCARA AND ROUGE and LOTS AND LOTS OF TALCUM POWDER..... yes yes... pictures of that FIASCO remain.. AVAILABLE ON REQUEST ....Twas mine first time on stage...the Photo HAD to be there..Going to school wearing BRIGHTLY polished shoes(polished by my father of course.... this happened till 8 std :) ) yknow .......the famous Bata "Naughty Boy" range.. seeing the school belt and trying in vain to adjust it...... i dont think i can do it EVEN now...i mean its NEVER just right.....

Learning to play sports in a somewhat organised manner and not just running about on the playground Making more friends... losing a few.... gaining on the whole..... forming a GANG of guys in school...... again not realising their importance in my life....

Still standing and peeing but only this time trying to FACE THE WALL :)))

Getting hurt while playing "Lock-and-Key" .... my first Bruise (supposedly some girl pushed me onto the pavement.... and I ........being the chivalrous one even then.....WILFULLY OBLIGED..)... unsurprisingly.....i wailed like a baby..(Hell.......i WAS a baby then) and was excused from going to school the next day....

The family gets a VEHICLE.... an "Ideal Java" motorbike... bought from the military canteen thanks to my uncle who was posted for sumtime in Bangalore........ lotsa other firsts..... the first color TV... the first
fridge(we still have that color TV and fridge.... works pretty well EVEN to this day...)Trying to cope with the fact that i may NOT have things my way at HOME..... as me had a baby sister at home and at school...well......the teachers OBVI got tired of ze tantrums.......

Learning to drink Bournvita out of a glass..... and often spilling it.......coz i used to do exactly what i used to do with a bottle........ turn it full tilt upside down... :))).....Occasionally drank Bournvita OUTTA A BOTTLE tilll i was in 3rd grade.. till my cousins saw and .well..... the 'shaming' continues to this day
Finding that Cerelac IS REALLY TASTY....(STEALING WHEN ME MOM USED TO FEED ME SISTER WITH CERELAC) and demanding the same for breakfast :))....... and GETTING IT

BOY O BOY O BOY.... getting into the CRICKET fever....... playing barefoot on the road.... learning my first 'profanity'....... nothing up the family tree....... jus the usual idiot/stupid.......

Living........ well...... Happily........ among the best days of my life

MY WORLD THEN WORLD DONT SEEM THAT CRUEL ANYMORE

I WAS NOT BORN "THE REPROBATE":

PRESCHOOL(NURSERY, LKG, UKG):

My first tryst away from home....walking into nursery class in tears... seeing if my mom has gone back home or not thru the class room window..... crying inconsolably everyday for weeks all thru class ....sometimes forcing my principal to bring my mom from home because supposedly i wouldnt stop crying (sez me mom and my nursery class teacher...STILL THE NURSERY CLASS TEACHER IN MY SCHOOL.... some things never change) .

My closest friend's parents also concur ....

The 'ayaah's' in school taking a liking for me....... peeing under trees with out a care for the world..... gettign scared of "Bikram and Baital" and almost all other things on TV ...... and running into the kitchen whenever it supposedly was
time for it on TV... cousins exploiting the weakness to the hilt (nuthin malicious....... the usual terrorising.the cousins remind me of it from time to time.whenever they think i am acting too smart )

Never realising that i will make friends who will last me a lifetime and more (even today my closest friends are the ones that sat next to me on adjoining benches THEN........ and its been 20 years.WE HAVE ALL GROWN UP TOGETHER... i am eternally grateful )

Seeing my father come back home from work and run like hell to meet him half way on the street so that i can hitch a ride on his back.... yeah.......me even then the sadist... wanting to trouble an amazing man who
had jus worke his arse off for me.

Nursery rhymes learnt, me speaking to the teachers in malayalam..... supposedly for almost half a year, since malayalam and coorgi were very similar languages, my class teacher who was coorgi had no problem understanding what i meant.........

learning to lift the left pinky finger for "it" and not jus stand and "deliver"....

A Class of 14, my teacher altering my marks because i got a zero on a class test and i cried my guts out(heh heh somethings change) .My mom surprised to see me get 10 on 10 and also 5 stars (u know the one with bright green ink.... we did not have GLITTER PENS then...)ON A BLANK SHEET OF PAPER(i had not written a word..) Something that got resolved when my mom came to drop me off to school the next day ..........she and my teacher met and "sorted things out"

Finding heaven in the see-saw and the merry-go-round, sitting on the floor for a CLASS PHOTO THAT IS EVEN TODAY ONE OF MY PRIZED POSESSION...realising now that EVEN THEN.........I COULD NOT SMILE IN FRONT OF A CAMERA

Never realising what being 3 years old meant............Learning to say the school prayer...opening my eyes while the prayer was being told JUST because i was supposed to CLOSE my eyes, going to a nearby park for God knows what .....going back home in the evening with my mom holding my hand all the way back home.........


I HOPE IT RAINS....COZ THEN NO ONE CAN SEE THAT I AM CRYING